Why Every Parent Should Ask This About Their Athlete’s Coach

There are a lot of good coaches out there. There are also coaches who are not in it for the right reasons, and as a parent, it is not always easy to tell the difference in the beginning.

At some point in your child’s athletic journey, someone is going to have real influence. It might be a travel coach, a high school coach, a trainer, or a mentor. Whoever it is, they will shape how your child sees themselves, how they respond to adversity, how they handle failure, and sometimes even how they make major decisions like transferring schools or chasing certain opportunities. That is why I always encourage parents to ask one simple question: why is this person in my child’s life?

Not what level they coach at. Not how many followers they have. Not how loud they are on the sidelines. But why are they truly doing this?

Some coaches genuinely care about development. They care about teaching, about habits, about long term growth. Others care more about ego, reputation, or control. Sometimes advice that sounds confident and decisive is actually more about what benefits the coach than what benefits the athlete.

When everything is going well, it is easy for everyone to feel aligned. When adversity hits, that is when intentions become clearer. A coach who is invested in development thinks long term. They are steady. They care about fundamentals and about who your child is becoming. They remain consistent whether your child is the star or coming off the bench. A coach who is invested primarily in themselves often chases moments, recognition, and optics. You might not see the difference immediately, but over time it becomes obvious.

As a parent, your role is not to micromanage every practice or challenge every decision. But it is your responsibility to evaluate influence. Is this person helping your child grow as an athlete and as a person? Are they reinforcing accountability and discipline? Are they building confidence that is not tied only to playing time or statistics?

One day the jersey comes off. What remains is who they became during the process. That is what should matter most.